is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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