11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
