it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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