I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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