How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
