You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
