one two three fourrrrnication!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
