He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
