just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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