he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
cat food counts as protein by the way
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize