Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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