Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
