Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry about my life...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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