how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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