I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
