She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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