even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
