Got a toothbrush?
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
