Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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