how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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