i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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