Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize