WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
