New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize