Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
