I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
