I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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