She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love having hate sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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