we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
