Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
