Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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