god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh god it's open bar.
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