i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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