i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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