mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
