I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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