if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
