Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we're making bets on your personal life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
