i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
