i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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