She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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