Your dad touched me again.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
