I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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