And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
soo... how was my night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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