She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
