I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize