Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
