Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
