I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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