just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize