Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
