oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
