We won't sleep together?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
