y did u give ur computer a hand job?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
