We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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