the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
birth control should be required to get into college
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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