you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
