WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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